Musings in Uncertainty

I was running, and I hit a wall.

Then, when the shock lifted and the dust settled, I found myself at a crossroads. 

Questions swirl through my mind: “Do I? Should I? What if I?”

All telling of the conundrum I find myself in

Between choosing a life I once knew and loved,

A life I could easily settle back into,

Or… staying and waiting for something to give so I can enter into a new place

The place I had hoped I’d be by now.

Do I stay or do I go?

Should I work or should I wait?

What if I…

How do you rest in a whirlwind of unknowns?

When all of your best laid plans get caught in an upward drift

And remain suspended in mid air,

Do you continue on the path of uncertainty

Or lay knew plans with your own machinations?

Oh, but the echo of His Word:

“Be still and know that I am God."[1]

That should be enough to defy the temptations.

For true rest isn’t found in the knowing,

It’s found in the only constant that always existed:

Jesus is Lord.

Long before the world we know was created

And far after it ceases to be,

He will be… and remains Lord. 

He is the only constant we can lean on,

The only truth there is to know.

Unknowns fall away when our eyes are set on Him,

And the path becomes clear.

After all, the light of all life is found in Him,

And with Him, darkness is no longer darkness. 

My questions are misplaced,

Because that miserable “I” has been their focal point.

The best focal point is Jesus,

And I’ve decided that my questions should follow the way of the answers.

Let them begin and end with Him.

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[1] Proverbs 46:10

He Is Faithful to My Heart Part 1 - Pain In Sanctification

I am consistently amazed at the LORD’s faithfulness. He is unwavering and uncompromising in sanctifying our hearts unto Him. Yeshua seeks a bride who is pure and spotless, and He will go at great lengths to pursue and win her to Himself. It is His constancy in love and commitment to the covenant He has made in His name that makes it so.

Oftentimes, the occurrences He allows in order to eternally secure our love cause heartbreak and sorrow for us. With understanding of these times, David writes: “I know, O LORD, that Your judgments are right, and that in faithfulness, you have afflicted me” (Psalm 119:75 NKJV). Other times, they force us to take a deep look at the blackness in our own souls. It isn’t pleasant, but it’s necessary. During these times, we can earnestly cry out: “I am dark, but lovely” (Song of Solomon 1:5). It is His very love that leads us to these places of introspection. The ultimate goal: to uproot the darkness that light may shine freely through us, that love may dwell within us, and that His glory may become ours. We must behold Him, and in the beholding, we are always faced with a decision: to continue beholding and allow the painful dying of our flesh to take place, or to turn away and try our hand at sanctifying ourselves. We will always fail at sanctifying ourselves, but when the beholding becomes too painful, turning away seems the best choice. However, if we wait patiently and endure the pain, we will be made a little more humble, a little more holy, a little more like the Love we seek. He enables us to endure this pain as the One who endured the greatest pain in death on the tree. He knows what we are able to bear and when we are able to bear it.

We need to seek the understanding of this mystery. With worldly eyes, we associate pain with death, but in His kingdom, pain leads to life. It is why, as he laments, Jeremiah is able to declare: “Great is Your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:23). God is faithful to do what it takes to give us eternal life. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” In friendship, God will always speak truth. It will not always be easy to swallow, but He will always speak it in love and as an act of faithfulness to us that we might endure until the end. Without this type of faithfulness, though it may hurt, we would quickly be swept away by the fads of this world.

Abba is preparing a pure and spotless Bride for His Son and a holy people with whom He can dwell. Sanctification results in holiness. But there is often sorrow in sanctification. It means you let go of your way and the ways of the world to be set apart unto God. It means you die to pride, selfishness, personal gain, and other things the world totes as praiseworthy. It means you look foolish to those whom you may esteem. But what does it matter if our love for God is at stake? The truth is to all of us it means everything and nothing. We must die to everything we hold dear, and it hurts, but compared to Jesus and His sacrifice for us, it’s nothing. In Romans 8:18, Paul writes, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” I wholeheartedly agree. This verse shines the light of truth on our sufferings. They are nothing compared to the gift of eternity with God, and yet they are necessary to attain that gift He so faithfully gives. It is my heart to dwell with Him eternally in love and in truth, and I know, in the midst of the heartache, He is being faithful to my heart.

He's the Reason I Can Smile

When darkness comes

And troubles abound

There’s little reason for joy

Or to make a cheerful sound

When my heart grows faint

And trembles in sorrow

I can’t keep my head up

Or find hope in tomorrow

When tears are my food

And I can no longer rejoice

I remember this is passing

I’ll have to make a choice

When the storm grows stronger

And it stretches on for miles

I look up to my Savior

He’s the reason I can smile.

Life In Death

“Then Jesus said to the disciples: ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever desires to lose his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” – Matthew 16:24-26

There is true life in death. Jesus leads the way to eternal life. It is a hard thing for many to understand, even those who profess to live in the Name of Christ. This concept is profound. It’s beyond our human understanding. It is treasure hidden in the heart of God, and you will only begin to understand it when you walk it out with Him. This is not something to be understood mentally, then exercised. Rather, it is to be understood as you exercise it. I’m sure the disciples had no idea what Jesus meant when He spoke this. Even so, they believed Him, because His words contained life and their hearts stirred when He spoke. God speaks, and our innermost beings respond. We respond to the Uncreated, because it is by this very Word that we were created. We responded then, and we respond even now. However, now our responses are different, because we test everything with our understanding before we are willing to trust and believe in it. What is the understanding of man in light of the understanding of God? Our understanding is darkness when compared to the light of His magnificent understanding. Until we obtain His understanding, we remain in darkness. We obtain this understanding by saying “yes” to Christ and following Him to the cross. Some would call this blind faith. How do you follow God to the cross if you have no understanding of this principle of life in death? Because God is good, and He only has good planned for me (Jeremiah 29:11). There is no evil in God. The fullness of His being is good. My faith is in God, not in the road. If I focused on the road everywhere I walked, I would stumble over the next step and walk into things. That’s walking blindly to me. But, if my focus is on Jesus, the person leading the way, I will be able to walk without stumbling or bumping into things. I will be able to avoid the obstructions in the path, because He clears the way. Jesus clears the way to God in His journey to the cross. As I follow Him, I walk down a clear path to the presence of God and make way for others to walk without care to the Father. Trust God. There is life in death. We follow Christ to the cross. For there, we see the truth of our being. We are confronted with our weakness and the depravity of our sin. In that moment, He speaks. We respond. He created us with free will, and we have a choice. We can choose to die to our sin and self-preservation, and choose God. Or, we can choose to continue in our “self-sufficiency” and to gain the acceptance of the world. The truth is: you can’t serve God and the world, because no one can have two masters. Thus, you can’t love God and the world. When Jesus took up the cross and walked to Golgotha to be crucified, He died to the world. God is asking us to do the same. I don’t mean literally killing yourself, but turning from the desires of the flesh to know God. Dying to oneself means denying your physical desires and being obedient to where God is leading you. When Jesus died, He took upon himself our sins, our hatred, our feelings of worthlessness and condemnation, our pains, sickness, and disease, (etc.) and He died with all of these things upon Him so we would not have to live with them. When we die to ourselves, we are saying “no” to these things and choosing to live in Christ, who died and was raised again. This is not the popular path, but it is the only path to God. If you want to be popular, you will lose your soul. If you want to know God, not just know about Him, but have intimate knowledge of Him as a close friend of His, you must give the fullness of your being to Him. You must die to the things you love and are familiar with that oppose Him. You would not keep doing things that dishonored a friend if you knew he felt dishonored when you did those things. Why do we keep dishonoring God when He makes it clear to us what dishonors Him? Dying to oneself means turning from those things that dishonor God and choosing to honor Him in everything. When we do this, He promises to honor us with eternal life. We do not choose to be good for the sake of being good. This only brings glory to oneself. We choose good and not evil for the sake of Christ. We will only find life when we live for Christ’s sake. I chose to live for Jesus, and now, I truly live. Before, I went through life in a daze, walking out day-to-day life without any sense of purpose or fulfillment. Now, life has become an adventure, and everyday is full of excitement, because I am alive. I live with God, as Christ lives in me. He leads me in this adventure, and I get to experience my greatest joy: daily walking with God. In His presence, my heart is exposed: my wants, my desires, and my dreams. I examine them, and those that are not in alignment with Him, I die to that I might live more freely in Christ. I know my heart, and my flesh is weak, but God gives me the strength to continue this journey to life when I choose Him and not the world. The world perishes and those who live by it will perish with it. But, those who live in Christ find everlasting life with God. In Christ, we are immortal as we walk out the fulfillment of our purpose. We were created to know Him, the only true God.