Complete Abandonment

What does it look like to be completely abandoned to God? Some would say those who smuggle bibles into restricted nations are completely abandoned. Others would say being on the mission field in a developing nation shows complete abandonment. Still others would say committing their lives to being before God in constant prayer is complete abandonment. I would agree with all of these to a point. But what is complete abandonment to God? Is it selling everything you own to give to those in need? Is it forsaking your dream to go into the ministry? I believe that your actions are not as much an indication of abandonment as your heart is.[1] We have so many ideas of what “good Christians” look like, how they serve, and the impacts they make. Many of these ideas are lies to keep us feeling worthless and falling short of reaching our potential and fulfilling our call in Christ. I’ve been sitting at home loving my family, but I want to be in Israel or doing campus ministry again. However, would that be living completely abandoned to God? See, the issue is our ideas must be submitted to God’s heart for us. I’ve been fighting the urge to do internships for different ministries in Phoenix. Why am I fighting it? Because it’s a fleshly urge. My body resists being “stationery” for long periods of time. My life has always been hectic. It thrives off of busyness. It wasn’t something Duke instilled in me. I functioned that way long before I moved to Durham. Now, I get to rest and it’s hard. Really hard.

So, what does it look like to be completely abandoned to God? The two greatest commandments are: “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind” and “ You shall love your neighbor as yourself.[2]” Jesus also told His disciples that in order to be great in His kingdom, you must be a servant.[3] I believe complete abandonment is an internal state of the heart that has an ever-changing external expression. What does it look like to serve? That depends on who is being served at that time. If we always have our sights on loving God, we will be given many different opportunities to love our neighbor. Complete abandonment looks like fulfilling these two commandments by serving God and others wherever He has you right now. Look at your current situation. There is ample opportunity to serve. Ask God what He desires of you right now, and do it with your whole being. This is complete abandonment. You don’t have to give up a dream unless He requires it of you. You don’t have to sell your house unless He asks you to do so. Just be faithfully obedient to whatever He asks of you right now. For me, it’s being at home with my family and resting. This is my complete abandonment right now. Tomorrow, it might look different. Whatever it is, I’m going to try to do it with the fullness of me. It’ll be my offering to Him.

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[1] 1 Samuel 16:7

[2] Matthew 22:37, 39

[3] Matthew 20:26

My Heart is Tumultuous

My heart is tumultuous,

Oh Lord, calm these seas.

Crashing waves of past failures, present sorrows, and future hopes,

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.”

Alas, where is this tree whose fruit gives life?

I am human, and yet redeemed.

What of this world that harbors the despair of selfish humanity?

When will we see His hope fulfilled in us?

For He is the hope of the nations, our Living God and King.

The vision of eternity drives us on:

The elect who know where their help comes from.

And what of the rest?

They cry for hunger and thirst:

A mother without her child,

A son without his father’s love,

Broken hearts lost in greed and depravity.

When will we wake up to truth to see we are saved?

My heart is tumultuous,

Oh Lord, calm these seas.

I am a man, and yet redeemed.

I have failed, but He makes it good.

I have cried, and He collects my tears.

I have rejoiced, and He shares in my joy.

The Lord my God who is One,

The Eternal One reigns Forever.

My heart is tumultuous

Oh Lord, calm these seas.

He has and He will.

[1] Proverbs 13:12 NKJV

Seeds of Longing

I love Him. Sometimes, I love Him so much it hurts. I’m referring to Jesus in case there is any question. There is an ache of longing deep within me for perfection to come that I may rest in His arms for eternity, uninhibited and free of distractions: just me, Him, and the cool breeze of His glorious peace surrounding us. The depth of this longing occasionally gives rise to other aches. At first, they seem as competitors in the recesses of my heart. But when taken to the Father with a desire for freedom from anything that would hinder my loving Him, understanding comes. These aches are not competitors, but rather supplements on the path to eternity. I’ll liken them to seeds. Without the proper light, they may cause shame within our hearts. Without proper care, they become stumbling blocks. Without proper pruning, they grow into trials that may disappoint or lead us astray. But, when these factors are administered appropriately, they are dreams fulfilled that result in His glory and increase our love for Him.

In Passion & Purity, Elisabeth Elliot references these longings as she comments on loneliness, writing:

“The loneliness itself is material for sacrifice. The very longings themselves can be offered to Him who understands perfectly. The transformation into something He can use for the good of others takes place only when the offering is put into His hands.”

Regardless what situation you face, it can only be made good in His hands. In ours, we fumble and misuse it. God redeems all things, but how nice it must be to allow Him to work it out His way initially. This will not always be the case, but I want to encourage you to take these longings to God. They are His gift to you. Let Him help you receive the most from these gifts. How can these aches be a gift, you may ask. These aches cause a groaning within us that awaken our hearts to desires, dreams, and destinies that He wants to give us. Without the aches, we miss the beautiful gifts He wants to lavish us with. Without the longings, we miss the jewels He wants to adorn us with. They're not pleasant, but they are necessary in our journey to perfection. Where do the proper light, care, and pruning come in protecting these seeds of longing? The One True God. Jesus is the light that nourishes these longings as we receive of His glory. Holy Spirit protects and cares for them as we are led by Him. Abba prunes them as He causes them to grow into the trees that will bear fruit. Our light would give them improper attention. Our care would smother and suppress them. Our pruning would cut away the fruit bearing branches. Only God can faithfully produce a brilliant harvest from the seeds of longing within us. They were given by Him that He might be glorified through you. I encourage you to give every ache of longing within your heart to God as material for sacrifice. Those that are not of Him are better left in His hands, but the longings that are from Him will grow to produce dreams fulfilled.

He is Faithful

I stake my life on this one statement: God is faithful. Without this truth, the world would cease to exist. It encompasses so much and one thing. He is constant. His constancy is a promise to us of life and not death, to those who seek His face. He says so, and He has to stand by His word, otherwise He would not be faithful and the world would not be. Consider a person you know who lies. How often do you doubt that person’s words? How often do you act on what they say without questioning it? How often do you take that person’s word as law without second thought? We may not even consciously hold those lies against that person, but trust is lost when lies abound. Sadly, God Himself does not lie, and we don’t trust Him. He does everything He promises to do. It may not happen when or how we think it should, but He comes through every time, and still, we have a hard time believing and trusting Him. The other day, I thought about His grace. It’s one thing I can rely on, because He is faithful. I thought about how we find ourselves in situations, and we know they could’ve been worst if not for His grace. Then, it occurred to me that there are so many other similar situations that we miss having to endure because of His grace. He covers things we did not even know we needed covering from. I wondered how many prayers have I prayed and how many things have I desired that would lead me further away from Him and towards death? It sounds dramatic, but what situations has He saved me from in order to prolong my life? There are moments I can recall in which I know He saved me from death, but how many more do I not realize because of His mercy and grace? Because He protected me and gave me something better…something transforming. We pray, and God answers. He is faithful. It’s apart of the relationship that we have with Him. He always answers. It may not be when we think we need it, or what we think we need, or how we think we need it, but He answers us in His grace. It is exactly what we need to live, to love, and to pursue Him. When you find things aren’t working out the way you plan them to or thought they would, it’s not because He didn’t answer your prayers. He is working it out for your good. Whether He’s showing you that the job or person you’ve been praying for isn’t His best for you, or asking you to wait for something, it’s in His faithfulness that He does so. He loves you, and He has His best in mind for you at all cost. At times, it costs those things we hold so dear to our hearts. Whatever the cost, I lay it down, because I can trust Him. It’s not always easy, but it’s always necessary, because through it all He is and will forever be faithful.

The Cry for Wages

This is a vision I had. It's not like my normal posts, but I felt strongly that God wanted me to share this:

I was walking with Jesus and it was so peaceful. We were arm in arm and my head was resting on His shoulder as we walked into the sunset. Then, I heard the voices of men and women yelling, “Wages! Give us our wages!” This grieved me as it disrupted the peace that I was enjoying with my Savior and I didn't understand what was happening. Jesus was especially distressed. They didn’t know what they were asking for. Jesus cried out for mercy. I asked Abba what was happening. He told me there is a great cry arising in the world for their wages among Christians and non-Christians alike. People are crying out for justice and fairness. They want what they believe they have earned for their good deeds. They want things to be “fair.” Jesus’ sacrifice is being discredited and going unrecognized, even among those who call themselves by His Name. Abba told me that the wages of sin is death, but life is free. Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." They’re crying out for death, and Elohim will answer their prayers as they continue to cry out. They are crying out for their own death and destruction not realizing that they have no good deeds. The fruit of their labor, these wages they are crying out for, is death. Life cannot be earned. It is freely given. Man has a hard time receiving this gift, so they call out for what they’ve earned. In love and mercy, Abba has withheld their wages from them. The fruit of man’s labor has fallen on Jesus. It’s not good enough for too many. They want their wages. In full ignorance, they cry out for it. They cry out for death. Those of us who have received the life in Jesus that is freely given must cry out for mercy. Let us intercede for them that Abba, who loves mercy, will show them mercy.

Be Reconciled To God

Paul writes:
“God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us, we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God.” – 2 Corinthians 5:19,20

I join Paul in this plea: be reconciled to God. What does this look like? Receive His heart for you. Accept His love for you. Believe that you are lovable and that God has given Himself to loving you. Acknowledge that you are a sinner and that you cannot do any good work without Christ. Gain understanding, knowledge, and revelation from God. Assume your true identity from Him. Believe that your sins have been forgiven and covered by the blood of Christ. This last one might be a bit confusing for some, but it takes Holy Spirit and a renewing of the mind to fully understand what it means to be covered by the blood of Christ.
When sin first entered the world, God required a blood sacrifice to cover the sin of Adam and Eve. Nothing has changed since then. This concept may seem foreign to many in the Western World, but the most obvious form in our societies is cutting by those who are depressed. In other cultures, animal, and sometimes human, sacrifices still persist. God’s plan has always been to provide the sacrifice for us. He provided a ram for Abraham when he was on the mountain with Isaac, and He provided a lamb for us in the person of Christ. Jesus took the wrath of God upon Himself, and in doing so, received the due penalty for the sins of every person to ever walk the earth. His death was the most brutal occurrence in all of history. He was completely innocent, and, yet, He did not utter one word of protest. Why? Because His love for you is greater than any pain that He could ever experience. It’s so much greater; many in the world will never come close to fathoming it. So many of us choose a lesser, fleshly love of the world instead of the true love that permeates the soul and restores a person to holiness. Why would the Father give His Son to be brutalized by the world? Because He loves us. The Father and the Son are One with each other and Holy Spirit. This is not something easily grasped, and a simplified way to understand it is that you yourself are soul, body, and spirit knitted into one being. God is eternal, and the relationship He has within His being is something we will spend eternity growing in the knowledge of. It’s pure beauty and true love. All Three believed it to be necessary to draw us into the center of Their heart that we might be reconciled to God and know them intricately and fully. It’s the Triune Heart that beckons us into reconciliation and draws us into love. The Father laid the greatest rescue plan of all time, the Son is the hero in this saga of time, and Holy Spirit is the guide leading us through the adventure of life into eternity. And who are we? Quite simply, we’re the damsel in distress, except many are unaware of the distress we are really in. We’ve tried on the cloak of self-sufficiency, not knowing that it’s as chic as the emperor’s new clothes. We fear being exposed, and we live every day of our lives wrapped in unveiled treachery. We betray God and each other. Self-sufficiency leads to destruction. It’s a branch of pride. Only those who seek God for their security receive life. You are nothing without Him.
He stands before you. Fiery eyes lit with passion; pierced hands outstretched. His face glows with love. What will you do? Will you enter His embrace and receive the love He longs for you to know? You won’t find it among your friends or your family. Not the love He gives. His love takes your burdens and gives you peace. His love shares in your sorrows and brings you unending joy. His love is a fortress around you and a light in dark places. His love is an all-consuming fire. His love never fails. Will you accept the life He so freely gives you? It costs nothing. It’s free. His desire to be reconciled to you is much greater than any desire that drives you. Your need to be reconciled to Him is greater than any need you’ll ever encounter in the world, whether you know it or not. Be reconciled to God. In His arms, you’ll find life eternal.

Freedom in His Love

God desires for us to be free. All of us have walked in bondage, and many of us still do without understanding to which we have committed ourselves. But, Jesus came that our eyes might be open to this bondage and that we, once knowing the truth of our conditions, might choose a higher way:

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:1

You might be taken aback by this statement, but consider the many things you feel drawn to without reason. Think about the habits you have formed that you can’t get rid of. What about the self-afflicting behavior in which you partake while secretly desiring to end the cycle? You don’t have to live that way. So, why do we believe that we do? We come up with so many excuses for our behaviors when we ourselves do not have a right understanding of the reason for our actions. We say, “It’s apart of my personality,” or “it’s how I was raised,” and even, “it’s not that bad if most of my friends are doing it.” All of these might be true, but they are not the final truth. The final truth that trumps our very understanding of true is that Jesus Christ is both Lord and King. How does this apply, you may ask. Well, if our Lord and King decides to set us free from such things that entangle us, then that is the highest truth and way of living: to be free. We are created of mind, body, and soul. All of these can be enslaved, and we have to be willing to submit each of these areas to Jesus that we might be free. If you have an eating disorder, you’ve enslaved your body through a mindset you’ve adopted about what’s acceptable. You may have always battled this eating disorder, but you don’t have to continue in this battle. Jesus won it for you, and He came to proclaim freedom for the captives. Be free in Jesus’ mighty Name. His highest is for you to live in freedom. If you live in mental confusion, you don’t have to live this way. You’ve enslaved your mind to confusion and accepted it as what is normal for you. His highest is for you to live in freedom. Be free in Jesus’ mighty Name. If you grow anxious when you are not in control of a situation, you don’t have to be this way. You have forgotten that God is in control, and you lack trust in Him. His highest is for you to live in freedom. Be free in Jesus’ mighty Name. If you walk around feeling rejected and always trying to live up to the expectation of others, you don’t have to live this way. God loves you for who you are. His highest is your freedom. Be free in Jesus’ Name. There are many more things to which we enslave ourselves. Some of these things are instilled in us by our parents and others by our peers and the culture around us. Just because it’s widely acceptable does not mean it’s God’s best for us. I’ve found myself battling so many different behaviors and thoughts that I assumed were apart of who I was. The truth is they were apart of who I was, but I am now a new creation in Christ. Those things are no longer apart of me. Even today, Holy Spirit is bringing to my awareness ideologies that I’ve integrated into my person that oppose my true nature in Christ and who He made me to be. They oppose Him. Once I am aware of these things, it is my heart to rid myself of them. Jesus died so I could, and I desire to honor Him with the freedom He lovingly purchased for me. You have been set free. Do not continue to live in anxiety, insecurity, or fear, because it’s normal. You have been set apart. Say yes to the freedom Jesus offers, and don’t turn back. For His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. Anything else is sub-par, and it isn’t worthy of who you were created to be. In order to obtain this freedom, look to Jesus. As you catch His gaze, know His love, and be reconciled to God.