My daddy passed away on February 18 of this year. I had left him a few hours earlier with my mom. Before falling asleep that morning, I read Psalm 77, a fitting Psalm for what would soon pass. My mother ran upstairs to tell me my dad was gone. I went to see for myself, and the paramedics arrived as I said a quick prayer over my dad. They didn’t try to resuscitate him. He had been gone for too long. We don’t know exactly what time my dad passed, but he fell asleep with my mom sitting next to him, holding his hand.
God is amazing in His love. I retreated to my room after delivering the news to my brothers and sister. I grabbed my bible and prayed for God’s resurrection power to be released into my dad’s body and for his soul to return. The LORD spoke: “I hear your prayer.” The sound of His voice comforted me. I knew my dad would remain with Him. It is better this way. At that moment, my tears finally came. Even my sobs were calm, as I repeatedly thanked the LORD. Gratitude was my deepest expression at the moment. It wasn’t what I expected. My dad had been sick for months, and I expected, should he die, that I would crumble and my world would fall apart. I didn’t, and it hasn’t. “All is well,” was the whisper I heard from the Father time and time again. Anxiety took over my body in the place of sorrow, but His voice never faded: “All is well.” I knew it, but my body and my soul were in two different places. The tension had built up from the months of caring for him, but the peace that kept my soul had yet to remove the anxiety that had been growing for days. The peace was unyielding, and within me, I felt the war of what was happening. God held tightly as the anxiety tried to strip me of His peace. I’m not normally an anxious person, and this moment was the greatest anxiety I had ever felt. But God always wins, and His peace has kept me since the moment I learned of my dad’s passing. I know it’ll always keep me.
My dad has always held the highest place in my heart after God. Much of who I am is a direct result of his love and care. I did everything with the goal of pleasing him, and the best part was that I always succeeded. He showed no disappointment in me. He corrected when necessary, but even that was done with a calm spirit and a loving heart. He was always so proud of us, not because of our achievements, but simply because we were his. His love and joy were extended to all he met. He knew no strangers. I loved to share my daddy with everyone, because he had a way of making people feel special, as though they were the most important person in the world. I’ve watched him do it many times, and it never ceased to amaze me. I can go on and on about how awesome my daddy was while on earth. He was human, and he had flaws as we all do, but his life expressed the heart of God in ways few people can. I know God because of my daddy. The ability to draw near to the Father, to have a personal relationship with Jesus, and to connect with Holy Spirit is the greatest gift my dad has ever given me. It’s simply because he himself walked with God.
Since my daddy’s passing, my expression of gratitude is the deepest emotion I feel. My daddy is gone, and it has affected me so deeply. I am grateful that I could be so deeply affected. I am grateful that I could love him the way that I do. I am grateful that he loved me the way he did. I know my daddy was a gift to me. He had cancer, and he outlived his prognosis by 15 years. I cherished each day with him, and I gladly shared him with others, because I was confident in his love for me. I am grateful to have the time I had with him. I am grateful because I knew he was an awesome daddy, and I told him daily. Words weren’t loss between us. He knew my heart, and I knew his. I am grateful that he was mine. My heart rejoiced and continues to rejoice because I have no doubt that my daddy is with Jesus. My two favorite people are chilling together in heaven, and I have much to look forward to when my time here is finished. Until then, I’ll live out my daddy’s legacy: a true relationship with the LORD our God.
